Picture-a-Day

Feb. 1 Emma likes to watch mom clean the tub from the toilet

 

Feb. 3 Drive to Santa Barbara

 

Feb. 3 Trying on glasses seems to be my thing lol

 

Feb. 4 Yogurtland in LA for Ang's birthday celebration

 

Feb. 5 Sorting magazines (ripping them apart is more like)

 

Feb. 6 PCH- It would've been a better picture if my side mirror was clean

 

Feb. 7 Mitch and Emma

 

Everything happens for a reason...

...That's what everyone's been telling me lately. But it can be difficult to see the sunny side of life when you've just been fired from your job, which I was last Friday (hence, my week long absence from blogging). And this wasn't a job at some large company where being laid off was to expected. I was completely shocked. Flummoxed. That's a good word for it. I went in for a meeting with my boss in the late afternoon, which was a  completely normal occurence, where he told me that that day was my last day. Hardly any explaination. Just like that.

Needless to say, this last week I've felt like my whole world has been turned upside down. I couldnt even get my head around the concept of not having a job for the first few days. Not to mention how emotionally distraught I already was over the loss of my best friend. All in one week, some of the biggest pieces of my life just gone.

Gone.

Now I am in the process of packing up my apartment, the only place that has ever been my own, to move in with my mom in her two bedroom apartment in Oxnard. It will just be temporary until I can find a new job and a new apartment. But considering I don't know what I want to do, that may be a month or two. Just wrapping my head around living at my mom's again is quite enough for me, let alone trying to find a new job. And I have to quite agree with my mom when she tells me I should take a break for a while. The prospect of not having to work every day 9-6 sitting in front of a computer for someone who drives me nuts sounds absolutely lovely.

Still, it makees me nervous that I don't know what I want to do. I've always known what I wanted to do. Maybe that's been the problem. I suppose I never really thought it through. Just went off to the first design college I knew of right out of high school, got a job a few months after graduating and I've been working since. Just recently, after meeting that best friend of mine who is no longer my best friend, have I come to realize that Interior Design is not something I want to continue doing full-time. At least, not the way I've been doing it.

Of course, I know what I really want to do and that's writing. I'll be sure to be taking advantage of the free time I have now to get as much writing done as possible, but in the long run, I do require some means of supporting myself until I can support myself exclusively through writing.

In the meantime, I'm just trying to get all my crap packed. Again. How many times have I done this now?! It feels like a million, especially in the last 8 years. I hate moving. I'm trying not to complain...too much. I feel I have some rights to complaining considering the curcumstances.

On the other hand though, it's ridiculous to complain about having somewhere to go when most people wouldn't. I would imagine that for most people in my situation moving home would mean moving to a different state, if their parents allowed them to move back home in the first place. Yes, I am truly lucky to have my mother. My father doesn't even care to know I've lost my job, nor would he help if he knew. My mother has filled both roles of mother and father for a long time now, not to mention the role she has been filling for some years now of a friend. I truly do not know what I would do without her.

I have to say that I am enjoying not having to get up at a certain time or worrying about not being able to escape my noisy neighbors for a night at my mom's because I have to work the next day. Having a fulltime job is just so restricting! I do wish I could take this very well deserved time off of mine to go visit Europe or something. Alas, money is not something I have in excess at the moment, otherwise I wouldn't feel the need to move or have a fulltime job in the first place lol.

Picture-a-Day

So I know I'm insanely behind this week, but I'll have to explain at a later time. Here, in the meantime, are my pictures for last week:

Jan. 25 End of the day on my day of shopping

Jan. 26 Paint options

 

Jan. 28 Peacock napkin holders at Z Gallerie

 

Jan. 28 Z Gallerie

 

Jan. 28 Z Gallerie

 

Jan. 30 My mom and Emma

 

Jan. 31 Walking along the Channel Islands Harbor

What is it about this month...

...that is making me feel as though I'm trying to run through waist-high water (or something similar that impedes movement)? Everyone keeps saying positive things about this year and how great it's going to be, but so far, I'm just not feeling it.

This last Sunday I lost my best friend. As one of my friends puts it, you never lose friends, you just find out who your real friends are, but this feels like a loss to me. I have never been so devastated. He was such a big part of my life and now he is gone and I'm completely heartbroken. Even as I type this I'm completely ruining my makeup. (and it doesn't help that my boss just told I've messed up on something yet again. what else is new?)

I was such a mess on Sunday that I took a personal day off work on Monday and spent the whole day with my mom getting samples of paint for my apartment, shopping on the promenade and moving around the rest of my furniture in my apartment, which mainly consisted of turning my bed a whole 180 degrees. That was no easy task, but so worth it. That day was so great it left both of us wishing all our days could be like that. Alas, it was back to work on Tuesday and now I'm just willing this week to go by faster so I can paint my apartment! I suppose it's always good to have something to look forward to.

Here's some photos of our adventures on the promenade:

I love trying on hats! (J Crew)

And the rest are from Anthropologie:

These covers on classic books like Dorian Grey are so awesome! And so are those fantastic pillar candle holders

The cash register, which I hadn't even noticed last time I was there.

 

Little tiny camera

 

I LOVE their jewelry!

 

These notebooks are so cool. They have different paper on every page and poems as well

The cover

 

My mom and I both coveted this purse!

 

I was surprised to find I looked really good in these frames. Bummer considering I don't need glasses anymore. I would actually buy a pair if they weren't prescription lol

My mom with her new glasses :)

Cabinet knobs! I bought some for my bathroom and kitchen, which I will share pictures of soon!

 

I just love that color blue

 

At the back of the store was this peacock made of pages from books. Coolest thing I've ever seen!

Peacock tail. How creative is that?! I would love to make something like that.

 

Gorgeous ceiling tiles that my mom pointed out to me, which I hadn't noticed before. I suppose I've always been too distracted by everything else in the store

Isn't this just so creative?! Everything in this store is so creative and eclectic. I'm completely enamored with it!

Such a gorgeous display leading up to the second floor.

 My mom and I spent a good hour in Anthropologie looking at just about everything and smelling every candle we saw lol! Then we went back to my apartment to paint swatches on my wall of the paint colors I chose at Home Depot, only to find that none of the three samples I got were going to work and I was going to have to go back and get a fourth one! Oh well, I'm learning. It's going to be a whole other experience to paint the walls, not to mention getting used to living in a new color! I figure it's the perfect way to start over after having my heart broken.

Picture-a-Day

Jan. 18 torrential downpour at work

Jan. 19 mounds of magazines I must throw out

Jan. 20 me

Jan. 21 rain in Laguna Beach

Jan. 22 hail on the skylight at work

Jan. 23 sam, me, angela

Jan. 24 emma

Apartment Overhaul

So just this last week I have begun what will become a total overhaul on my apartment. My desk that you can see in this photo used to be stashed in the corner behind my bed and just moving it to this new location has completely changed the way I feel about sitting at it. Quite astounding how one small move can change the whole energy in a room!

Everything is in disarray at the moment, as you may be able to see from this photo, but by next weekend I will have the walls painted, the furniture rearranged and everything organized (at least, that's my hope anyway lol) and I'll be taking plenty of photos in the process to show you all when it's finished. It'll be fun to see my very own before and after!

White Bathroom

I seem to be seeing more and more of these beautiful clean, white, airy bathrooms and they're just extremely appealing.  I would love to spend the whole day in such a bright lovely bathroom, especially in that tub!

Photo via House Beautiful 02.10

Etsy Earrings

I keep forgetting to mention that I bought these gorgeous earrings from Julie on Etsy as a Christmas present to myself and I absolutely love them! She makes absolutely beautiful jewelry! Check it out here.

2010 Coachella Lineup

click to enlarge

Check out this killer line up for this year's Coachella! I've never wanted to go more than I do now and I think I'm going to have to make it happen this year!

A weekend of disappointments...

I decided late last week that I wanted to make a trip over to Ikea this last weekend. I've been wanting a few chairs and a little table for my balcony forever and I finally have the money, but of course, Ikea's perfect little outdoor furniture pieces are only available at their stores (as are most of their furniture items, I've been noticing lately). I really didn't want to venture all the way over to Ikea (I went to the one in Carsen. Burbank is the only other one close to me, but my friend suggested Carsen) on my own, but all my attempts to find a partner for my adventure failed so, alas, Saturday came and I went by myself. I decided last minute to go over to Potterybarn on the promenade and purchase my curtains, which I posted about a while back, only to find they didn't have any at the store (I bought them online later that day instead). At this point, I have no idea why it didn't occur to me to call Ikea and check to see if they had the items I was driving all the way over there for, but needless to say, I didn't.

I found the drive there wasn't long at all, which makes me think I'll be venturing over there more often. And I have to say, the older I get, the better I get at experiencing new and unknown things on my own. I'm finding it's alot of fun venturing into the unknown, especially when the unknown provides arrows to guide you along your way lol! I of course, took pictures:

 

 

I loved walking through their lighting section, as you can see. The display above, I thought was really pretty.

So, as you may have guessed, they didn't have my outdoor furniture (and I found out the pieces might not be available in stores until March or April :( ), but I did find a little mini ironing board, which I've needed forever! And I got some really pretty little turquoise vases, which I have a photo of in my previous post.

Saturday night I took down the last of my Christmas lights :( and had the unenjoyable task of getting three of my strands of lights back from my neighbors - which I had let them borrow and will never be doing again - that had been rolled up with about five other strands belonging to my neighbors. I was having a pretty good night considering I felt as though I'd driven all over town all day with not much to show for it and I went to check Facebook around midnight. I'm usually not online, let alone on my computer, that late at night (and tonight is another one of those rare exceptions), but it was so lucky that I was. One of my neighbors, and so-called friend, thought I would like all my friends and family to see a rather slutty and humiliating photo that I was in on Halloween (and I do recall said photo being taken as I was dancing on a pool table, but had no desire to ever see it. I blame the alcohol.) and so he tagged me in it. The tag was removed immediately and I texted my neighbor asking him why he would think I'd want anyone to see the picture. His only response was, "remove the tag", to which my response was, "gee, ya think!" and what he said next still infuriates me: "i'd like it if i was you".

Now, having never seen the photo yourself, you must be thinking: well, it couldn't have been that bad, right? I suppose under the right circumstances it might not have been (say, for instance, if said photo would have been on one of my own friends pages and not that of some stranger I've never met, and who probably has plenty of undesirable male friends who would have not thought twice about following that tag straight to my page. I really do not wish to be stalked or harassed on facebook, thank you very much.), but his reasoning for tagging me is what really set me off. I told him he must not know me at all and I was extremely pissed and I haven't gotten a response from him regarding the matter since.

The rest of my weekend was marred by my emotional reaction to this incident and I was so exhausted last night I seriously considered calling in sick to work this morning. I just don't know what to do when it comes to this person at this point. In the short time I've known him I've fallen in love with him, been in awe of him, learned so much from him, been furious at him and brokenhearted over him and lately, what stands out the most to me are all the negatives. I've decided that, for now, the only thing I can do is cut myself off from him for a while and hope that in time I'll be able to think of him in a positive way again because I don't think I can handle losing someone I care so much for.

Picture-a-Day

Jan. 11

Jan. 12

Jan. 14

Jan. 14 (2)

Jan. 15

Jan. 16

Jan. 17

I'm still getting used to this taking a picture everyday thing, so I've created a rule for myself: if I do miss a day, which I know is just inevitable because I've done it already this week, I can make up for that day by taking two photos in one day; hence, the two photos for the 14th. The first, I took from my car on the way back to work on my lunch break, the second: taken from the hills in Pacific Palisades, third: oh, blustery day, fourth: that's my Harry Potter book, five: my last night with my Christmas lights up around my window, six: that Porsche was in the Promenade parking lot and I couldn't help myself, and seven: the items I bought on my excursion to Ikea on Saturday (which I'll tell you about tomorrow).

Thanks Melanie!!

Last Friday the lovely Melanie over at Melanie's Randomness passed on this fabulous award to me and I haven't gotten the chance until now to say Thank You!! to Melanie pass it along to five other bloggers, so here it goes:

2 by Design (who started her blog around the same time I did and we've been following each other's blogs since)

Sierra at OceanDreams (and I think she's already gotten this award, but I'm giving it to her again because her blog is just that beautiful!)

Meg at The Wild and Wily Ways of a Brunette Bombshell (her words are beautiful and she's such an inspiration to me)

Erin at House of Turquoise (we share the love of the color turquoise...and all variations of the color lol)

Hermione at Mon Blog Totale! (I just love her blog!)

This is my first blog award so I'm still excited about it! Thanks again Melanie!

Happy Birthday Dave!

          

And yet another celebrity birthday; yesterday was one of my favorite actors and today is one of my favorite musicians: David Grohl of The Foo Fighters (formally of Nirvana, and currently, drummer for Them Crooked Vultures). Dave turns 41 today! And I just couldn't help myself with this photo above (it's from January 2008 Maxim). I currently have a copy of it framed sitting at my desk :)

And, just because, here's the video for, in my opinion, the best Foo Fighter song ever:

Happy Birthday Orlando!

I just remembered it's Orlando Bloom's 33rd birthday today, and just that little fact (and the fact I had to get photos of him for this post) has cheered me up considerably! He's always been one of my favorite actors and I was practically in love with him when Lord of the Rings first came out. Who wasn't right?! I still think Legolas is the best role he's had so far; he was just so perfect for that part. And here's another photo I've always liked:

In need of something pretty...

I really don't feel as though this year has been going well so far. I have things that I'm doing for myself and goals I've made that I feel really good about and I know they're going to happen, but I'm at dire straits with my neighbors. They keep me from getting any good sleep and it's gotten to the point where it does no good to ask them to be quiet anymore. They're always so drunk that they don't care and then they resent me for asking them to be quiet and I resent them for having to ask.

I used to have so much fun with them, but it's not fun anymore and I feel so terrible about the whole situation that I feel sick to my stomach today. I left them on note on their door this morning that basically said I don't appreciate how rude they're being to me and that their loud behavior has to stop. Other than that I have no idea what to do. I really don't feel like losing three of my closest friends at the moment, especially when I hardly have any friends to begin with, but they're not proving to be very good friends. All around, it's a terrible situation.

So, with this terrible feeling in my stomach, I feel the need to post something pretty. I haven't looked at a magazine in months and I'm starting to feel deprived, but I was at a client's house yesterday and this was one of my favorite little details in the whole house:

The faucet is set into a stone jolli (one of three) that I believe my boss purchased from Charles Jacobsen a while back. So pretty and such a clever idea don't you think?

Picture-a-Day

A few days ago I mentioned I wanted to take a picture a day as part of a new thing for this year (I don't do New Years Resolutions so I won't call it that). I'm always complaining that I never take enough pictures, and that's part of why I thought this would be such a good idea for me, but also the idea of having a picture that I took for every day of the year just seems so cool to me. I'll be posting these every weekend (hopefully every Sunday, and I've never been very good a being consistent with something like this so that's another part of the goal with this) and this is a day late, but seeing as it's my first one of these posts I'll have to make an exception this time. I figured it would be better to post a week's worth of photos at a time instead of one every day. It'll be fun to see how my pictures change throughout the year of taking them and I'm hoping that it'll just become a natural thing for me because, so far, I've been having a difficult time remembering every day to take a picture.

Jan. 1

Jan. 3

Jan. 4

 

Jan. 5

 

Jan. 6

 

Jan. 7

 

Jan. 8

 

Jan. 9

 

Jan. 10

 

Lady Gaga

I'm rather obsessed with this song at the moment. There's just something about it I can't quite put my finger on...I do wish I could say "I'm so happy I could die" nearly all the time, but it's usually not the case. Maybe that has something to do with it...

Art of the Week

 "With Few Exceptions"

I found this piece via an email update from Esty. It's by Kaylee Hull on Etsy; see more of her work here. What I really like about this piece is not just the beautiful juxtaposition of colors and looks of texture, but the story behind it. She explains that it's based off of Freud's "Interpretation of Dreams":

"With few exceptions, people dream. I'm not talking here about dreams in terms of plans or wishes for the future, but in the generic sense-as we sleep we dream. Most dreams, vivid as they may seem, are forgotten within minutes of waking...I've never gone so far as to paint my dreams, but many artists have. In fact, the whole area of Surrealist painting is very much predicated upon the painting of dreams. "

Such a beautiful concept. See more of what the artist says about the piece here. 

Thinking out loud...

I've been thinking lately about what it means to truly love yourself. What does it mean to me to love myself?

I suppose when I really think about it, it means to accept myself as I am even with what I consider to be my flaws and to be happy with who I am. But I still question that it must mean something deeper than that. Nothing could possibly be that easy. Right? Does it mean something different to everyone individually, considering everyone is different, or is there some universal truth in what it means to love yourself?

I find myself falling into depression a lot lately, which is so frustrating to me because it seems that less than a year ago I was a very happy person and I wonder where that person went. A friend told me today that happiness is a decision. I know he's right, but I can't understand why in the world it's so difficult for me to make that decision. To me, it just never seems that simple: to decide to be happy, especially when I have so many other conflicting emotions bombarding me all day long. I'm someone who shows what I'm feeling and it's always written all over my face. I suppose I've never seen the point in pretending to be happy when I'm really not. Of course then, on the flip side, when I am happy, I'm really happy and everyone knows about it.

One thought I've had is that living on my own is starting to get to me. I really enjoyed it in the beginning, but I need to be spending a lot more time with friends, which I seem to have a shortage of at the moment. I find myself quite often asking what it's going to take to find a real, true friend. I've never had a friend I've known for years and years that I share everything with and can count on no matter what. Maybe I haven't been able to be that kind of friend to someone else and not the other way around....

I could sit and question all day, but the main thing is this lack of friends situation has to stop. I must learn to let others in instead of wishing others would find me and solve all my problems.

That's a whole other issue of mine I've had since I can remember (although, I've only recently come to this realization): letting people in. My secret fear has always been that no one will love me. But that just brings me back to loving myself, which reminds me at the moment of The Matrix when the Oracle tells Neo to "Know Thyself". I suppose that's where I've been stuck all along. I have to know myself before I can truly love myself....and for the record, I've never needed for anyone to tell me when I'm in love, I just know. Now, if only I could apply that same self-awareness to all the other aspects of myself and my life....

And so I ask this question to my lovely readers: what do you think it means to love yourself? And what does it mean to you to be happy?
(well, fine. That was two questions!)

Year of the Dragon

I bought myself this calendar for this year figuring that if I was looking at dragons everyday, I'd be more inclined to write about them. I don't do resolutions at the New Year anymore, but I've decided the only thing I want this year (with the exception of finding the perfect man, of course) is to finish my dragon book. So here it goes...

Oh, and I'm going to be taking a picture a day too, which I'll be sharing with you shortly!